i need to make the essay shorter and make sure i am meeting the requirement of the prompt

I attached below the essay I wrote and the prompt so Please make sure that I am meeting the requirement of the prompt. And I need the essay to be a MAXIMUM of 8.5 pages. I have almost 10 pages I need to make it less.

Also, I attached some comments if you could at least put one quotation for each part.

 
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